That’s a great question. For the last few weeks, Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist has been silent on social media. It’s odd because she typically shares empowering posts every day, and publishes a blog post roughly once a week. However, for weeks her social media presence has been… absent.

So where did Marlene go? Why would she suddenly with no warning stop posting? Why did Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist go silent?

Simple. Facebook locked her account.

If you follow me on social media you know that my motto is “I.U.S.E. people. Inspire. Uplift. Support. Encourage/Empower.” That’s my standard for all my posts. They have to fall into one of those categories. And even when I write one of my venting posts, I warn you that I’m venting, and still try to find a way to make it empowering at least by the end.

Apparently Facebook is unaware of my intentions, as “they” started to flag random posts warning me for being inappropriate. Posts that said things like, “You deserve to be happy,” were getting taken down for going “against community standards.” Posts that could in no way be misconstrued as inappropriate—that I shared with my audience after being flagged and everyone commented on how confused on why I was being reprimanded. Then, on January 13, 2023, when I went to do my usual scrolling, I was met with the words, “Marlene, we locked your account. We take this step to keep your account safe when we detect unusual activity…. To protect you, your profile is not visible to people on Facebook and you can’t use your account.”

Apparently, the frequently mentioned “algorithms” (computerized processes and protocols programmed to decide if human posts are appropriate for social media) have chosen to incorrectly flag, block, and “jail” certain positive accounts for non-offenses—while spammers, hackers, and purveyors of hate, violence, and pornography get to post freely. I was pissed, and really sad.

The blocked me from doing what I love to do. It brings me joy to share uplifting content. It brings me peace to check on people when I read between the lines of their posts and wonder if they are truly okay. It makes me smile to share songs and stories and personal development practices with my friends via Messenger. I was blocked from from connecting in my way and that hurt.

I have friends all over the world who I connect with primarily via Messenger. it was just weeks prior that one of my business coach friends cautioned me about using Facebook exclusively for my business. She warned that I could lose all my contacts if the algorithm ever boxed me out. She was right. (I should’ve listened to her, but I hate email. Ewww!) I actually requested a download of all my content after her warning, but I didn’t follow up and make sure I received it. I didn’t make it urgent, because I didn’t see this coming…. well not so soon. (FYI – If you choose to do request your content, make sure you go back to download it. They don’t just email it to you in a huge ZIP file. You have to download it from Facebook within a certain time period after they tell you your files are ready or you have to make the request all over again. I digress.)

Like I said, they’ve been flagging me for non-offenses on and off for a while. That was annoying. When they put me on probation from running ads because I refused to show them my government ID, I waited them out. When they fully blocked me from running ads because I didn’t resolve the issue in a timely manner, I let that go. But when they not only locked me out of my account, but made my page invisible so people couldn’t even visit and check out old content, that hurt.

Honestly, it took me out emotionally for the first week and a half or so. I have old classmates and international friends that I connect with exclusively via Messenger. I have people I regularly check on because I know they’re going through hard times. I coach people via Messenger. My gratitude partner and I connect daily before bed to share what we’re grateful for each day. As an introvert, social media is my social life. I don’t go out. I spend quality time with my daughter, go grocery shopping, and buy gas so I can do it all over again.

Getting shut down by Facebook made me a legit recluse. I was devastated. I couldn’t even create content. I was coming off of one of the toughest years of my life and I just couldn’t take another blow. I couldn’t just keep going like usual. I had to sit and process life, slow down, and make peace with what happened….

So that’s where I’ve been. I took a woosah. Honestly, I still haven’t unlocked my account. They want me to show ID and all that and I don’t want to, but that’s the only way to unlock it, and I don’t want to lose all my connections…. Facebook hasn’t provided any specific reasons for locking my account, but one interesting thing a friend noted is that, including me, she knows only three people who’ve had locked accounts. All three are empowering, Black female coaches.

Now, let’s get to the empowerment….

Two core beliefs I’ve adopted over the last few years, are “things happens for me, not to me,” and “all things work together for good.” These beliefs have helped me navigate this time. Although it’s been hard not being able to connect in the ways I’m used to, I chose to look for the blessings in this situation. And it’s pushed me to grow and evolve. As much as I don’t enjoy email, maybe I will find a way to maintain my audience with a low maintenance email list. I know for sure, I’m gathering contact info for the people I don’t want to accidentally lose again.

I learned from this. No outside entity should be able to shut down my work and my whole network with one unexpected move. This irritating experience has helped me to recognize a problem in my current setup that I need to rectify immediately. Sometimes unexpected calamities help us make better choices moving forward. Some people say to make lemonade from lemons. I choose to look for the blessings in every situation.

When life throws us challenges, it’s normal, and natural, to have human reactions. Some things take us a while to overcome, while others may take a lifetime. For me, I find it empowering to give myself a minute to process, then I look for the blessings. That habit didn’t come easy. It’s a practice. I really struggled with being grateful and positive when it came to my own life. I can easily find the silver lining in other people’s situations. This is how my daily gratitude practice began. My friend and I decided that we would start small, and find just one thing in our entire day to be grateful for and share it with each other. We’ve been doing it for years, now. That small practice got me in the habit of looking for blessings in my day.

So now, when things go wrong, I have my human reactions, then, I pause and look for the blessings. It doesn’t matter what the situation is. I still look for the blessings. When the toxic relationship with my ex ended, I wasn’t excited. I was hurt. I thought we’d be together forever. After a few days of processing, it still hurt, but I began to see how much worse our relationship would’ve gotten over time. And I realized I was blessed it was over. I still had hurt to process, but it was a blessing to know I was free. When my Mom got really sick—and I mean, ICU “Is she going to make it?” sick—I was confused and devastated. Then, I was grateful for my friend who advised me to call the ambulance. I was grateful for the kind nurses who treated her respectfully, and treated us with kindness. I was grateful for the bouquet of artificial flowers I made for her that brought her so much joy (since real flowers aren’t allowed in the Intensive Care Unit of many hospitals). And when my dear friend was tragically killed and her kids went to live with their dad, it took me a while to find blessings. However, in time I heard stories of their faith and positivity, and how they made peace with her passing, on a level that still baffles me. Their serenity, despite all that was going on, blessed me….

Life can throw us some unexpected blows, and we get to feel how we feel. We get to process. And then, we get to look for the blessings.

Blessings!
(See. Found some already. 😂)

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

*** In an upcoming post, I’ll share another blessing of this season of social media silence.***

Can I tell you a secret?

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist is a closet pessimist. I know! Gasp! Okay, that might not be the full truth. I believe in the possibilities for everyone… except myself.

I unfortunately gained a lot of…. conditioning over my lifetime to not believe that good things happen for me. I can believe for everyone, with ease. I can celebrate other people’s great fortune, with sincerity. I can see it for them and say, “Girl, you deserve that.” But if the same opportunities came to me, I’d say, “Man, I’m grateful and so blessed.” But the words, “I deserve it,” whew, those are hard words to say.

I was conditioned to believe that I only deserve what I worked hard for, and not just any kind of working hard. I had to work hard for it in specific ways…. like at a government job that pays a pension and benefits… at a job where you sweat and get your nails dirty…. in a high level position that you could only get by having a doctorate and decades of seniority.

I am shifting my beliefs this year because that crap has held me back because I am naturally driven toward purpose and ease. I don’t like doing anything that makes me sweat…. or get dirt under my finger nails. I hate working in an office setting, cubicles make me want to gag, and having someone dictate my schedule sends me running for the hills. I have too many ideas of my own to be someone’s employee. I’m just not wired that way. I have only once in my life worked for someone else more than 6 months. I just can’t. Ewww.

I had some real talks with myself over the last few days entering this year. And I have to let it be okay to not do it the way I was taught. I need both feet in entrepreneurship, and I have to believe I can succeed at it. It’s predestined. I need to let that be okay. I need to release people from their positions in my mind as more knowledgeable than me about how my life is to work. It’s time for me to take the top seat and allow guidance to fully guide me without the second thought.

I get to remove the beliefs about what other say will bring me success and follow my internal guidance. And you know what my internal guidance just reminded me? I looked up and saw these words on my wall, “Start expecting things to get better.” It’s such a simple statement, but it means so much more to me.

I get to let go of the beliefs that I can only succeed one way. I get to let go of the beliefs that, “Yeah, that worked for them because….” I get to say, “I don’t care if it offends you that I’ve got so much favor that when I want something I get it without having to work hard for it.” If I simply just drop that last belief—which I fully intend to this year—my whole life will be different.

I learned early in life that people don’t like it when you get preferential treatment. Teachers were nice to me, because I didn’t get in trouble. Classmates don’t like the “teacher’s pet.” I was just trying to avoid getting in trouble at home. But with each success, award, honor roll acknowledgment, and “Marlene, you’re in charge. Let me know if anyone’s talking,” I quickly learned that it’s not okay to have favor. When things are going better for you than those around you, people are jealous, offended, and mean.

All I’ve ever wanted was for people to like me, to treat me nicely, and see me as a good person. I spent my whole life doing all I could to ensure that was the case…. including batting away favorable opportunities and predestined blessings because I didn’t want to lose love. I didn’t want to be mistreated. I didn’t want people to say, “You don’t deserve that. I worked hard for it, and you didn’t.”

One of the most hurtful experiences of my life was when I graduated third and my best friend graduated 2nd. She was going to be the salutatorian (wow, shockingly I spelled that right), and I was so happy for her! I was doubly happy because we got to sit next to each other on stage. She, on the other hand, was not happy at all. She didn’t even want to speak to me when she found out. She was upset because she worked so hard to be second, and I didn’t even go up to look at the top 10 list because I was CERTAIN I wasn’t on it. I didn’t put forth any effort in school. I barely did homework. She would remind me every time tests were coming up or big projects were due. I would throw things together last minute and cram for tests the night before. She, on the other hand, did every assignment perfectly, studied all the time (even when there wasn’t a test coming), she did her homework, and probably extra credit. So when the announcement came, she was pissed that I came right behind her. She knew I didn’t try. That was hard for her to process.

After the fact, it was hard for me to process that my friend was unhappy for me. That accidentally succeeding could cause my dearest friend to be upset. I hated that feeling. And I’ve experienced that feeling so many times throughout my life. I think I decided at some point that it hurt to much to receive because people get mad when I get blessed….

Well…. those days are over. I’ve suffered long enough. Let ’em cry. I’m coming for all that’s mine and I’m telling you now, I have no intentions of working hard for any of it. I’m putting aligned actions, guidance, and intuition to work for me. Y’all just get ready for things to get reeeeeal good for me. Cheer with me or unfollow me…. or whatever works for you.

I’ve declared for myself that 2023 is “the year of miracles.” I’m allowing it all in. #sorrynotsorry Happy New Year!

Much love to you and thank you so much for your support and for reading my long blog posts. I just have to share it the way it flows through me. Bless you and yours!

Let’s expect it to get real good.

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Co-Founder of SISTAMoms

Author/Designer/Illustrator I’m Proud to Be Natural Me!

Owner/Publisher/Author MDillon Designs & Publishing

#Udemy instructor of HealingOurFamilies: Healing the Parent-Child Relationship Check out the rest of my website to learn more about me. #linkinbio#sistamoms#Proud2BNaturalMe#talktomeandsee

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Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist is a single mom who lovingly shares her insights here for free. BuyMeACoffee offers readers a great way to support her work. You can securely send her a gift (a cup of matcha) as a thank you for this post. Simply tap the photo. Then, to the right of the screen, choose “Support” (to send her a one-time gift) or “Membership” (to give monthly). You can even add a thank you message! Blessings!