Are you familiar with Joseph McClendon III? One of the most powerful things I’ve learned from him recently is that our thoughts (about anything) influence how we feel about that thing. And how we feel about it, influences what we will do about it. And what we do about it influences what we have and experience regarding it. I learned this in a recent workshop he did and it really is shifting how I use my mind.

What I know for sure is that much of how we relate to life in the present, is due to beliefs we established primarily in childhood AND during momentous events in the past. It amazes me how something as simple as a bully smacking an ice cream cone from your hand at 6 years old, can cause you at 66 to still believe, “I can never have good things.”

The reality is that conclusions drawn between birth and 7 years old (about who we are, how people treat us, how life works, etc.) become lifelong beliefs, unless we become aware of them and intentionally shift them. As a result of one unexpected incident, we begin a pattern of thought. Then we begin to unknowingly look for evidence to prove that conclusion is true.

The way our brains are wired, we will always find the evidence we are looking for. And typically because we find circumstance after circumstance which aligns with our belief, we become certain that we believe is absolutely true.

But what many of us don’t know is that the brain has something called the reticular activating system. This is the brain’s way of helping us focus on what’s important to us and ignore the things that aren’t. For example, if you have your eye on a certain car—maybe you just purchased it or it’s just your favorite car—suddenly everywhere you go you see that car. It’s not that suddenly everyone chose to like the car you do, it’s that the reticular activating system is helping you notice the type of car that you told your brain is important. So now you are more aware of their presence. Other types of cars are still present, but your brain is highlighting the car you made important. Your favorite car was always present, but your thoughts about it trained your brain to focus on it.

The same thing happens with our beliefs. If we believe “everybody mistreats me,” we begin to only notice the times we are mistreated. We don’t pay as much attention to all the other people and times that we are treated well. Our brain helps us find evidence to match our thoughts… our beliefs…

This is a good time for a sidebar. Abraham-Hicks gives the best definition of what beliefs are (in my opinion). They say that “a belief is just a thought you keep thinking.” So if we think a thought enough times—and our reticular activating system keeps only showing us evidence to support it—we begin to believe that the thought is true. So whether your belief is “all women are gold diggers,” or “all men are dogs,” or “children aren’t safe around gay people,” or “Black people steal,” or “white people can’t be trusted,” or “bad things always happen to me,” whatever those beliefs are merely started with a thought that was repeated until it became a belief.

So the good thing to know about this is that if our beliefs are merely thoughts we keep thinking, until our brain begins to help us prove it with evidence… we can change our beliefs by thinking new, more empowering thoughts. And we can begin to look for evidence to support our new beliefs and eventually our brain will catch on a do the same!

So presently the belief I keep thinking—that I established in childhood—is “everybody gets to have that but me,” and its twin “everybody gets to do that but me.” And one other that, “no one is going to help me.” Throughout my life, I have found so much evidence to support these unhelpful beliefs. However, as I think about shifting beliefs, I realize that these are just thoughts that I have been thinking since childhood. I can create a new habit of thinking otherwise and looking for evidence to support these new beliefs.

That’s essentially how affirmations work. This is why my children’s book, I’m Proud to Be Natural Me! has been so powerful for so many children. By reading empowering words repeatedly, with emotion, we are able to establish new belief systems. As children read, “I’m proud to be natural me,” over and over again while experiencing the uplifting story, they begin to see for themselves that they can be proud of their natural beauty.

We can shift our own beliefs by creating new patterns of thought and attaching positive emotions to them. What if you chose an empowering phrase to say each morning while you dance to your favorite song? What if every day, first thing when you wake up, you smile at the ceiling for 2 minutes while thinking, “I love myself,” or repeat in your mind, “If anyone gets to have it, so do I,” for a full minute every day at 2:22pm? Imagine if you did that for the rest of this month, or for 21 days, or for life. Do you think it might have an impact?

We can create new habits of thought, the same way we created the old ones. It helps if we choose affirmations that are not too far from our present reality, then work our way toward the truth we desire.

I know I’ve made the mistake MANY times of creating an affirmation that feels so false that it’s annoying to repeat it. When I’ve got a dollar in my account and about to run out of gas it’s hard to keep affirming, “I am rich.” But I can affirm, “This is temporary.” I can affirm, “More money always comes.” I can affirm, “Life gets to be better than this for me.” I can affirm, “I am worthy of the abundance I desire.” Then, I can begin to look for evidence that I get to have the desires of my heart.

As I am writing this, these words are ministering to me. I have been struggling with my finances from as far back as not being able to buy “penny candy” in grade school, to not being able to visit Yvonne Livingston LLC (my business partner) a week ago because I didn’t have enough gas. It is empowering for me to see that I can use what I know to get my mind to believe what I need it to in order to shift my life. Shifting my thoughts eventually shifts what I have. So I am choosing to ACTIVELY believe that and begin by doing one of the exercises I stated above to shift my beliefs about how life works for me.

As we shift our thoughts, we’ll shift our feelings. And as we shift our feelings, we’ll shift what we’re doing. And as we shift what we’re doing, we’ll shift what we’re having and experiencing. I’m ready to shift what I’m having and experiencing. Maybe you are, too.

Will you join me in actively shifting to more empowering thoughts? I believe it will be a gamechanger for you and me.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Co-Founder of SISTAMoms

Author of I’m Proud to Be Natural Me!

Owner of MDillon Designs & Publishing

I appreciate you!

Some helpful links:

• Check out more of my blog posts.
• Who is Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist?
• Check out my products, course, books, and more!
• Support my work with an online gift, review, or shares.

To be honest, life has not been easy for me. Staying positive is a struggle, and I have battled with depression and suicidal ideation for the majority of my life. Not every day, or even every week, but it’s been lurking in the background since I was 12 years old.

I think that’s why I am so committed to empowering others—why I.U.S.E. (Inspire. Uplift. Support. Encourage.) others. I know what it is to need some hope to hold onto. I know what it is to want someone to notice that I’m not okay. I know what it is to need someone to speak life into me, and not have that happen.

I am Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist because I am here to be to others what I need(ed).

Sometimes we feel like we have nothing to offer until we have “arrived.” But I can tell you right now that I do all of this while I wait (impatiently) to see my ducks line up. I haven’t got it all together. I’m not even in a good mood all the time. I am just committed to growth. I am committed to learning how to use my mind in more productive ways. I am committed to being of value to others WHILE I’m on the journey.

Sometimes contribution is the way out of depression. Being able to express myself through one of my most natural forms of creating is a blessing to me. Taking a break from ruminating on my own challenges to speak life into someone else blesses me. There have been many times when I was down and wished someone would check on me, and instead I decided to check on someone else. I cannot count the many times that I reached out at just the right time. Even though my problem was not solved, knowing that I helped them through a challenging moment helped me feel a little better.

I think of the many times I did speaking engagements and was tempted to cancel because I barely had enough gas to get there. But I pressed through because I made a commitment and I looked forward to sharing words of inspiration with the girls. I got to witness the transformation that takes place when I get to speak.

Numerous times, I watched middle school and freshman girls enter a space feeling down, drained, and individual, but after our time together they the room feeling uplifted, energized, and united.

Our time was powerful. We touched on real topics. I know that by showing up my words shifted the trajectory of their lives. What we discussed would impact them in little and big ways. Despite what was going on in my world, I gave what I had and it empowered them and that energized me.

When I look back over my life, I can see many times that I was led to make a phone call, send a text, reach out via email, check on someone via Messenger, and so on. Regardless of what was going on with me in those moments, I did what I felt led to do and I am grateful that I was able to be there for them at those times.

Getting to share my insights, epiphanies, and inspirations with you is also a gift to me. Being able to inspire, uplift, support, and encourage you while things aren’t as I’d like in my own life is oddly healing. It is a gift to me to be a gift to you. When I read comments and inbox messages thanking me for the insights I share, and even for my vulnerability, it blesses me. It is a blessing to know that how I show up here blesses you. It inspires me to know that by allowing you to be a witness to my journey that I am helping in some way. It gives me a boost, and a reminder, that regardless of what’s in my bank account, my life has value.

A few years ago a coach told me that I can tell my book, I’m Proud to Be Natural Me doesn’t have value because no one is buying it. She even went on to comment on how it’s written as part of the problem. Although my feelings were hurt, part of me knew not to (fully) take her words as truth because I know that I didn’t sit down and force words to create I’m Proud to Be Natural Me! That book flowed through me. I wrote that book in one sitting, in an hour. The words just came to me line by line. And in sitting with my editor, I decided to have “I’m proud to be natural me,” repeat as an affirmation every other page and I’ve seen how powerful that has been for children. I’ve seen lives change as a result of my beautiful, rhyming children’s picture book. Many of you only know of me because of my #Proud2BNaturalMe posts and features. My speaking in schools came as a result of that book. There are many children who now love their curls because of that book. And pretty much everything I have done since writing that book has occurred because I wrote that book….

And I must be honest, her words cut me deeply. She was a successful business coach and she was telling me that I was broke because my work had no value. I think her words cut deeper because I didn’t feel I had value and regularly used my book as my artificial value. For the longest time, being able to respond to the question I hate the most—”So… what do you do?”—with “Oh, I’m a children’s author,” gave me such relief in networking situations because people always light up when I say it. I could hide behind it and feel valuable and answer their questions about being an author and feel pretty good about myself (for those few minutes). But she was telling me that even that had no value because of how I was being paid.

It took me a long time to get over that, and I am learning that my value goes beyond how much money I make and what I have. For now, I focus on who I am to remind myself of my value. I am grateful that I have learned to focus on the testimonies, the gratitude, the support, the conversations, the empowering feedback, the supportive comments, and the friendships that empower me to know that I have value.

I shared in a previous post (last week, maybe) that I have deep messaging that value is about how much money you make. Although I know better, and don’t agree with this, the message runs deep. So regardless of all the people who I have inspired, uplifted, supported, and encouraged…. and despite knowing I am a phenomenal mom… when I think about my net worth… I still at times question my value.

Sometimes the words of that coach come back to me and I question my value. Sometimes my daughter wants something inexpensive (or expensive #macbookpro) and not being able to get it for her causes me to question my value….

But then I go back to all the moments that I know I made a difference. The memories of seeing girls unite during one of my empowerment workshops to group hug a participant who shared that her grandmother had passed that morning…. The memories of a beautiful soul, during one of my talks at a girls mentoring event, gained the courage to come out to her family…. I think of the role play I did with a tween to help her process her father’s absence and how powerful that was…. I think of all the lives I’ve touched in big and small ways…. and the unconditional love I receive from my daughter and I am reminded that my life has value.

And sometimes we need to remind ourselves of the moments along this journey that we got it right. We need to retell the stories, to ourselves, of how we’ve made a positive difference. We need to begin rewrite our definition of what it means to have value.

My life has value and so does yours. You may not feel like it right now, but some stranger, family member, or friend… a co-worker, bus driver, or coffee shop barista, a former teacher, former friend, or some random person you crossed paths with has a story about you in their mind where you made a difference. The simplest act of holding a door open, letting someone get over in traffic, or sharing a smile, or “Good morning,” can mean the difference between life and death for a person dealing with suicidal depression. You have absolutely no idea how many people’s lives you have touched with the simplest act of kindness.

I honestly can’t tell you what led me to write all this. It’s just what I was inspired to share. If you feel your life doesn’t have value, I guarantee you, you’re here for a reason. Sometimes we can’t see it right now. Sometimes the trials and tragedies we go through can cause us to question if life is worth living, but I truly believe and have seen for myself, that everything… even the worst of it… has purpose… even if the only purpose is for you to be able to support someone as they go through something similar.

I am sending you love. I am telling you that I understand deeper than you may know. And I am choosing to live and remind myself as often as I need to that my life has value… and so does yours.

Blessings,

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist Co-Founder of SISTAMomsImoverbullying by Proud2BNaturalMeYvonne LivingstonAmanda ArmourMDillon Designs & Publishing

So I woke up today and knew that meeting with my inner knowing was essential. I may have shared this with you before. I did a blog post about it some weeks ago that periodically (goal is daily), I sit down and allow the knowing within me to instruct me on what to do. It is so natural and normal for us to go to somebody else, call someone, text someone, meet with someone for lunch or go to an advisor about what to do next. But within us lies true guidance that we can tap into if we just sit still and listen.

It’s the guidance that causes us to turn our wheel suddenly and avoid an accident, the guidance that tells us to check our side mirror one more time before changing lanes, the guidance that causes us to call that person who needed us just at the right time.

Well, lately, I’ve been challenging myself to seek this inner guidance, before I wing it. I am not much for going and asking others what to do, but I am BIG on winging it and screwing things up, or doing countless hours of work, when I could have just sat still for a few MINUTES and asked my inner knowing for guidance.

I do this through back and forth chats, which I never shared before because I was afraid no one would understand. But when I courageously shared the last one, so many responded that they also check in with their inner being, the ancestors, the angels, etc. that I knew it was safe to share my stories of guidance I’ve received.

So here is the experience and conversation I had a few minutes ago. I am sharing because I realize some of it is not for me, as it doesn’t relate directly. That lets me know that it’s probably for you or someone you know. Feel free to share it.

This is a conversation about fear and love…. a conversation I did not anticipate as the answer to my dilemma.

Me: I am ready to experience life different. I am ready to shift my experiences with the power of my mind….

Higher Knowing (HK): … and love

Me: I hear you saying love and fear are the only emotions and that with decoding which emotion is driving me, I can change my life.

Me: I didn’t expect that, help me make it make sense.

HK: So you came to me asking about how to change your life. You wanted to say how you “struggle with visualizing,” but the truth is you can visualize fear… fearful thoughts… very well. You don’t have trouble with visualizing. You “struggle” with the habit of visualizing fearful thoughts. So you need to break things down to fear or love.

HK: Am I doing this from fear? (“I must make this post, or this bad thing will happen.”) or am I doing it from love? (“I want to see people shift in their lives through my inspired guidance. I can help them. It is my pleasure. I do this from love.”)

HK: You learned about the power of intention. Now, get it for yourself.

HK: AM I DOING THIS FROM LOVE OR FEAR? SIMPLE QUESTION. THERE ARE ONLY TWO.

HK: As you begin to shift your thoughts from fear to love in every area, your life will change. It’s not just about the posts, it’s about the choices and conversations and inner conversations… about… everything. Inner conversations about saying, “No,” to that person, inner conversations about attending that event. Why do you want to go? Why do you not want to go? Are you going for love or out of fear of what happens if you don’t? At the core…your core… what is the most loving move? What is the love move. Yes, that’s a good title for this. What is the love move?

HK: It seems obvious until you try it, until you test it. Are you on Tinder because you fear not having anyone to love you in old age? Is it from fear that you are going to die alone or because you have love to give and want to share your abundance of love with another person/someone else? Are you going to work out of love—to support those you serve with your skills and talent, or fear that you will not be able to pay your bills? Everyone does it, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it. You can choose that you love yourself enough to ensure that your needs are taken care of despite the environment, and love yourself enough to know you are more than worthy of an even better position and that opportunities for you are all around you, and that in the meantime you will do it from love. It is not normal to think this way. But you can have more peace.

HK: So right now you are writing to me because you are afraid of your day going wrong and having to give more than you feel you have to give. Or you could say I’d love for them to have the best day, needing me minimally, so I can do things that I love… that will fill my love cup. You can wish them well, rather than sit in fear. You can gift yourself a great day by setting your expectations differently. You can send forth a picture of the day you’d ideally want, and you can see whatever hiccups you’re attempting to avoid (in fear), as being rectified in the most loving way.

HK: This is about changing your expectations, and beliefs, about what your day—and what life— looks like for you. You can picture it differently by coming from a place of love, not fear.

Me: Amen.

So there you have it… as I received it. We can lovingly change our lives by assessing one thought, action, interaction by what category it falls into. “Is this from love or fear?” And then we can simply ask ourselves, “What is the love move?”

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Co-Founder of SISTAMoms with Yvonne Livingston LLC
Chief Empowerment Officer and Owner of MDillon Designs & Publishing Author/Illustrator/Designer of I’m Proud to Be Natural Me!

---

Have you heard about my 30 Days of Giving & Receiving?

Today is Day 8!

For the month of April, I am sharing a blog post each day (maybe from the past or new), with an opportunity for you to give a gift toward my work! I am not charging for the posts. I am attempting to shift a narrative of giving and giving and giving, and not receiving. I am attempting to train my brain out of the expectation of investment with no return.

*If this post blessed you, please consider sending me a $5 tip securely via Buymeacoffee.com/marlenedillon. It may seem small, but it will help me a lot.

If you’d prefer to give another way (or learn more about Buymeacoffee) please check out my Support page, where you’ll find numerous options.

Thank you for your kindness.