I have been working on me since at least high school. And I’m constantly finding new areas to fine tune. However, I have been approaching this “work” a bit differently, lately.

I used to have a deep belief that being unique was a bad thing. So much of my personal development work was coming from the intention, “I need to fix what’s wrong with me.” I thought if I could be like everybody else, I would be happy. For decades, I worked toward making me less… me, but it never worked.

We can look at our lives like a bowl of fruit, where each piece is a different area. When we have an unhealthy core belief, it’s like having a piece of rotten fruit in our life basket. For me, the rotten piece in my bowl was the belief that something was wrong with me because I was not like everyone else. Over time, that belief began to impact multiple areas of my life, if not all of them.

As much as I was constantly working on me, I was focused on the wrong fruit. I thought the rotten fruit in my bowl was my inability to conform and be like everyone else. So I was tossing my gifts, interests, and passions in the trash in an attempt to be more “normal.” I didn’t realize that the real spoiled fruit was my belief that who I am (multi-talented Marlene) is not who I was supposed to be.

The truth is, we are who we are. We’re not all meant to have the same skills, passions, and interests. Some people are multi-gifted, while others have one. Some are high energy, while others are super chill. Some are brilliant at science, while others are fascinated by art. If everyone was a doctor, whose music would we enjoy? If everyone was a dancer, who would be in the audience? If everyone was an entrepreneur, who’d be the employees?

We all have a purpose (or multiple). And regardless of who told us what and who we are is not enough, WE ARE ENOUGH. We don’t have to compare ourselves to others, or compete with them. We get to enjoy being us and let go of beliefs that make that feel painful. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with us… but our beliefs.

Some of our most deeply held beliefs are just lies that were told to us, and/or misinterpretations we picked up along the way. We get to recognize beliefs that do not serve us, and discard them so they can stop spoiling our lives. Everything from “I’m bad at math,” to “I’m a bad mom,” from “good guys finish last,” to “I’ll never be able to have a life like that.” These are just ideas that we tossed into our basket. We can choose today to toss in the trash.

For most of my life, I believed “I am not an artist.” But I accept that it was just a belief that I picked up from others, and I get to toss that in the trash. If you’ve seen my recent posts, you know that I have tossed that belief. I am embracing myself as an artist, even though it still feels weird to call myself one. Painting is not for other people. It’s for me, too. I enjoy it and I’m going to keep doing it. It’s really that simple.

Maybe you have some beliefs in your life basket that you need to toss…. thoughts about your intelligence, beauty, opportunities, or abilities that are keeping you from living a full life. You can choose at any moment to stop allowing those beliefs to contaminate your life. No matter where they came from, you can decide on a more empowering belief and toss that old one in the trash.

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist#Proud2BNaturalMe

Although I try to be understanding, when it comes to certain topics, I can be a bit petty. I will completely write a person off over a first impression, which is a bit unfair.

Today, I was contemplating a scenario where someone got a wrong impression of me, recently, and decided to write me off. I was so offended because their actions, as a result of their assumptions, impacted more than just me.

As a way of getting beyond the moment, I decided to write a letter—as a journaling exercise to get it off my mind, because I have no intentions of sending the letter to the individual. What I realized as I was writing, is that I was calling her completely irrational for not communicating with me before making a judgment about me. That’s when I realized I had done the same to someone else, under fairly similar circumstances.

It’s a hard thing to realize that we aren’t perfect. And it’s even harder to see the depravity of another in our own actions. As much as I wish things happened differently, I must admit that I am grateful for this opportunity to heal that tendency. I am choosing to release my negative impression of the person I prejudged. And I choose to forgive this individual and trust that all things work together for good.

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist#Proud2BNaturalMe

Today, I lost my mojo. I woke up so excited to go to the lake and paint. But, I let all kinds of doubts, frustrations, annoyances, and even responsibilities get in the way. By the time I left my house, I was in such a funk. I sat in my car for two hours just feeling defeated.

This is why it’s important to have friends who are so connected to you that they feel led to reach out when you are feeling off your game. My dear friend messaged me at the right time and our conversation lifted me. I went from, conceding to just go stand by the water, to actually getting my canvas, paints and brushes (and a snack, lol) and heading to my favorite bench to begin to paint.

When I arrived, all I had was a rough sketch that I was primarily frustrated with, but I sat and worked with it until I found my flow. I stopped checking my phone and trusted that this time was just for me. I worked until it no longer felt like work. I felt my smile come back and I remembered the joy (that is still new to me) that happens when I paint.

It was fun to interact with passersby as they paused to watch what I was doing. And, I primarily enjoyed the solitude. I look forward to fine tuning this piece and finding a home for it.

I’m glad I didn’t give up my day to those emotions I was feeling earlier. I’m grateful for dear friends who help me get going on my intentions when I fall into a funk.

Update: Now, days later, I can see what happened and how to use this information in the future. Let me explain.

One of the things that helped me get out of the car was remembering my intention and the joy I felt when I first woke up. I felt so inspired and driven and something within me believed that moment mattered more than how I was feeling sitting in that car. I recognized that the only reason I was feeling so down because that morning I bought into so many discouraging and distracting thoughts. I internalized every self-criticism and fearful suggestion. I gave away my bliss by giving into negativity.

If I simply ignored those thoughts and focused on my intention to get out the house, I could’ve maintained my great mood. There’s a phrase, “Where focus goes, energy flows.” It’s accurate. By giving in to fearful, discouraging thoughts, I nearly tanked my whole day. Each distracting, “I should do this before I leave,” brought on another. Every “What if it doesn’t work out?” thought brought on another. Once I gave in to the first negative thought, the rest came in like a flood. In retrospect, I see that my intention and feelings first thing that morning are where I should have concentrated my focus. Our moments of inspiration fresh from rest are often the truest moments in our day. All the fears and frustrations that come along to choke out that feeling are the lies.

It is not always easy to press through and get things done when we’re in a funk. It’s important to be kind and loving toward ourselves in those moments. As I reflect, I see that I was able to find my way back to inspiration because I didn’t beat myself up for not getting out the car. I put my seat back and my feet up and relaxed into the moment. I made peace with the idea that maybe all I would do there was get a few moments of chill time by the lake. I wasn’t happy about not painting, but I made peace with the likelihood that I wouldn’t.

The funny thing is that by choosing to let go, I slowly returned to a state of rest. In a restful state, it is easier to “hear” guidance. As I began messaging with my friend, I became calmer because she was being supportive and our exchange was energizing. Inspired thoughts came to mind, while we chatted, and I didn’t ignore them. I thought, “Maybe I could get out the car and just stand by the water.” I didn’t ignore it. I started sitting up and thinking about what I needed to do next to make that happen. As I began to feel a little better, I thought, “Well, I did come here to paint. I could get my things and head to the bench.” I messaged my friend and told her that I was thinking about painting. I opened my door and started to gather my things. As I headed to the bench, I thought, “If I don’t feel like painting, I can just work on the sketch.” And after a while of working on the sketch, I thought, “Well, I could start on the background.” And next thing I was filling in the silhouette. I didn’t ignore the inspiring thoughts. I didn’t remain committed to the funk. I listened. I shifted out of the funk, one thought at a time.

When we quiet our minds we are able to receive guidance. Often, that is the key to getting out of those moments. Overcoming a funk is similar to untying a knot. It’s a patient, step-by-step process. You get out of it the same way got into it—one thought at a time.

Blessings! Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist#Proud2BNaturalMe

I am the first to say how happily single I am, but let the right person cross my path, and enough coincidences occur, and I’m thinking, “Hmmm…. I wonder if you’re the one.” I watch way too many romantic comedies to not get nipped by the love bug periodically. 

What I have learned over time is that I tend to ignore red flags. I am so accepting of others that I put ribbons and bows on red flags. It starts out as, “I can understand how they became the way they are, look at their story.” Before long it’s, “Everyone else has walked away, I have to be the one who shows them someone cares enough not to leave.” It’s a bit of a toxic pattern. 

Over the last few years, I have been a bit more aware of this tendency and adjusted to only dressing up red flags that aren’t that serious. For example, an anger issue is a definite “No,” but a fear of commitment might get a bow. 

As I’ve been doing so much introspection lately, I discovered that regardless of my comfort with being single, I am honestly wired to be a wife. I don’t really know how to be a girlfriend. I go from “we met” to full on “wifey.” Before long I’m learning likes and dislikes, memorizing important stories and their characters, and figuring out how to support his dreams. (Honestly, it’s a little embarrassing to share, but if my openness empowers you, it’s worth it.)  

About a week ago, I had an epiphany about not having a middle ground. I was deep in thought about my history of making faux husbands of red flag bearers, when I recalled a T. D. Jakes sermon I heard many years ago. Bishop Jakes said, “We’re building houses where we should be pitching tents.” Those words hit me like an openhanded slap!

I claim to live by the idea that, “People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” But when enough key elements line up, I start hiding red flags behind my back and start digging a foundation. As I was processing the T.D. Jakes quote, I heard these words within, “Can’t you just go camping?” I literally laughed out loud! 

Regardless of how I’ve operated in the past, going zero to sixty in relationships is a crash waiting to happen. I don’t have to pull out the blueprints to a house every time I meet someone. I can just pitch a tent and give myself time to see if they are here for a reason, a season or a lifetime. 

I’m not sure who I wrote this for, but ever since that quote came back to me, I’ve been thinking I need to share it in a post. This can apply to friendships, as well as intimate relationships. It’s okay to connect with people AND give it some time to see who and how they are. We can also allow relationships to complete, without viewing it as a failure. We can appreciate the good times we’ve had, and be willing to loosen our grip when we are no longer aligned. Not all relationships are meant to last forever. We don’t need to keep building houses where we should be pitching tents. We can just go camping. 

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist