Every once in a while (more this year than ever), I use poetry to vent, get things off my chest, make sense of life….
This is one of those times….
Ugh. Not sure if that’s a word
Just annoyed and no better way to describe but…. ugh
Ultimately failing at life. At least that’s how I feel.
Genuinely over the effort of it all… the work, the flops, the failures, that not-enoughness…
Hhhhhh… hard to phonetically recreate the sound of an extended, exasperated sigh, but hhhhhhhh will have to do.
Over it. Not like, gonna do something about it, over it. But more like “this f*cking sucks,” shake my first to the heavens, roll my eyes, cry a little (or a lottle) and then get back in line and go through the motions until the wave hits me again next month.
Whether it’s hormones, or bill due dates, end of month poverty, or real legit troubles, I’m gonna ride this wave tonight like the thousands before.
Gonna close my eyes and sleep. Gonna wake and do my roles….
Gonna cry a little. Maybe sigh a little.
Gonna find reasons to smile and laugh and sing. Gonna slowly, but surely, release this thing….
This inner beast that won’t let me go. The one that resurfaces monthly to tempt me to go.
But the truth that shines light is I’ve been here before. Since twelve, a preteen with a heart that was sore.
Took a long while to catch on to the signs, this monthly routine that goes on in my mind….
I found a key phrase that shows up every time. The “sound” that alerts me like dropping a dime.
I know when I hear it to start breathing slow, to not take it serious, to know it will go.
So though this month feels way worse than before. I heard that key phrase from my heart that’s still sore.
No need for alarm, just breathe slow. It will pass. We’ve been here before. We know it won’t last…..
I saw a post a tonight. It was just a photo of a page of poetry. When I saw it, I remembered how writing helps me transition through these challenging moments. So I got on here to share my process, while writing my way through tough emotions.
It helped, as it always does.
Thanks for being here and for reading. If you know someone who struggles with depression, especially around the end/beginning of the months, maybe share it with them (if it feels like a good idea).
I hope this helps somebody. Much love and as always…
Blessings,
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
Blessings,
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
MDillon Designs & Publishing 