“If you had to work for the affection/attention of a parent, you’re probably still doing that with others in your life.” — Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
I was debating on if this will be a full blog post or not. Not sure how vulnerable I’m willing to get on this one. Just being honest.
I’ll just say that I caught myself overcompensating. I was about to go out of my way to do something for someone. It was something I didn’t need to do, technically couldn’t afford to do, and it was something that was unnecessarily inconvenient. And when I paused to and asked myself why I was volunteering, I was surprised by my answer.
I can’t really think of another way to say this, but, I was doing it to ensure they didn’t forget about me. I wanted to remind them of my value in their life. I was trying to refresh their memory of my goodness. Pretty sickening and sad. At least that’s how I felt initially.
Once I realized why I was doing it, my internal guidance… my higher self… the part of me that knows better kicked in and reminded me, “You know they already like you?” And then memories flooded in of moments, conversations, messages, etc. where this person made it very clear that they care about me and view me positively.
That’s when I realized that I am working to remind them that I am good because it feels like it can wear off, or run out. And I realized that is my old messaging.
For some of us—whether it was personality or culture or temperament or just stress—we learned early on that you had to do something different, noteworthy, or extraordinary to gain smiles, affection, and words of approval. Maybe you had to get an A on a test, make first chair in the orchestra, or win the spelling bee. Maybe you had to nail a solo, come first in the swim meet, or be the one who handed them the paper, their slippers, or their beer to be acknowledged….
For those of us who fall into that category of court jester or invisible, it is not unlikely that in your relationships you are still overcompensating to ensure they don’t forget you. And I’m writing this to you (as I just came to this conclusion for myself), the people in your life who love you might not need this from you. They may appreciate it, but chances are they already see you, they already love you, and they already know that you’re good.
This doesn’t mean that you have to stop being kind and stop being generous when your heart’s really in it. It just means to maybe start checking in with yourself to know that your heart is really in it… that you’re doing for the right reasons, that you’re doing it from a place of love, not fear.
A lot of us burn ourselves out by doing far more than people ask because we are still trying to prove our worth. And, today, I caught myself doing it and decided I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to trust that I am enough. I want to trust that people love me for who I am and that it’s not gonna wear off…. to know that I don’t have to work for the affection and attention of those who are truly on my team.
So I’m offering you the same opportunity, through this piece of vulnerability, to trust that you are enough…. and even to trust that people who love you can shift their expectations as you set new boundaries, where you sacrifice yourself less.
Sending you love and hugs.
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
If you enjoyed/gained from this post, you’ll love my blog and podcast!
*** Learn more about me, Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist! ***
Some quick links…
Did you appreciate today’s post? You can Send a gift of support.
Is your child struggling with self-acceptance? Get my children’s book.
Looking for melanin-rich personalized gifts & bday party supplies?
Want to develop a closer relationship with your child, teen, or tween?
Use code: HEALMYFAM5 at checkout for a huge LIMITED TIME discount
on my parent communication course Healing Our Families: Healing the Parent-Child Relationship. Tap the button below, to learn more.
On my blog and Share & Let’s Live! podcast, I share tips and tools that are transforming my life and mindset every single day. If you appreciate this FREE daily blog/podcast (and are able), please consider sending a tip via Buymeacoffee. It’s a great way to support without breaking the bank. (No pressure, of course. If you’re unable, please know I understand.)
Thank you so much for being here! Thank you for reading and listening. And double thank you for liking, commenting, and subscribing! It means so much to me that you’re connecting with what I share. 🥰
MDillon Designs & Publishing 