“Don’t just go through, grow through.” —Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
I was just sharing with a friend about a situation that I’m dealing with and advocating for my child which is a much bigger part of parenting than I ever realized and the thing that the thing about it is that in having to advocate for my child I have come to the realization about why that’s scary for me
What I realized today is that I was raised in a system that discouraged me from standing up for people and from standing up for myself.
So when the situations called for it for me to step up and advocate for my child, I would do it but I would be terrified I would be reluctant I would be frustrated that I had to do it at all I would be angry at the situation but probably angrier that I had to do something about it because it felt really uncomfortable.
And I’m just being honest about this because that’s what I do here. I share about my personal growth journey with the intention to show you that it is possible for you to grow, too. My hope in sharing is that if you can relate to my stories, you can catch the lessons. I share because I believe in saving people time. Some people go through things and because they went through it, they feel like other people should also have to go through it. I am very different. I believe that if I went through it, if I care about you, I will help you to not have to go through what I went through. I don’t feel that you have to go through the same pain. You can just catch the lesson and move on. Granted some people need to go through things themselves in order to catch on and if that’s what’s necessary, then by all means do you.
I, on the other hand, have since childhood been very much a person who did not need to go through things myself. I learn from other people’s lessons.
So today’s lesson was that maybe you’re afraid to speak up for yourself because when you were a kid it was unsafe for you to do so. That’s what I discovered today—that I have been afraid to advocate for myself, to advocate for others, to call people out when they are out of order, whenever I thought there was any potential for them to lash out at me (or even just feel offended). My childhood experiences taught me that it is not safe to speak up.
And as a person who teaches a parenting communication course, it would be a wasted opportunity for me to not also say that as parents we need to be aware of how we assert authority over our children. Yes, they need to understand that you are in charge. But do our children need to feel that their safety is at risk when they rightfully advocate for the truth?
Why must our egos be so big that if our child is correct, and we are incorrect, that we cannot say that? Even if we need to step away and gather ourselves as we realize that we were wrong, we do not lose their respect by going back to them and saying, “You know what? You were right.” However we do lose their respect by not admitting when we are wrong and they are clearly right (and they know they’re right), or worse bullying them to back down because we are the big bad adults and don’t want to admit to them that we were wrong.
Today I learned that being bullied to back down when I knew I was right as a child conditioned me to feel unsafe to speak up for injustice. The message is deeply ingrained because as a child I was someone who could not keep her mouth shut when she saw someone being mistreated. And each time I spoke up an adult let me know that I had absolutely no right whatsoever to do so. Whether it was a look, words, or energy, I was made to know that speaking up will get you knocked down. So to this day when I need to speak up, my body gets tense, I feel really uncomfortable, and I want to run away from the problem (rather than address it) because I fear the repercussions.
Today, I did some inner child work around that. I sat with myself and really processed what was going on. I thought about the beliefs and perspectives of those who raised me, and accepted that I was not wrong in those situations, and that the adults did not handle those moments in a healthy way. I acknowledged that they did not have the emotional intelligence to do so, and based on their belief system, they felt they were doing the right thing. And I made it clear to myself—to my inner child—that it impacted me, that I was right to speak up, and that I am grown now and get to decide from this point forward that I am safe to speak up for myself and right to advocate for those who need my advocacy.
You get to hear my process as you listen to today’s podcast. If you found value in this post, definitely listen to the podcast above.
Sorry. Long day. Lots of processing so I’m just gonna end it here. Check out the podcast.
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
Check out today’s podcast episode (above or below)
Day 29 “Maybe You’re Not a Punk” #TAKEITEASY Share & Let’s Live! #Podcast Series w/ Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
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Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
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