So on the podcast this month, I’m talking about shifting who I am… that is, shifting from who’ve I’ve been conditioned to be to who prefer to be/who I truly am.
Today, one of my “I am” statements came up and was making it hard for me to follow through on my intentions. Actually a few of them came up. But as I write this, I realize that the deeper message that I wasn’t hearing… the one that was really getting in the way today (and has been for a while) is, “I am good so I can’t get paid.” Because “good girls are nice just to be nice” not for a reward.
That in itself makes me really wonder about how my inner child has been impacted by that statement. Often on the podcast I have talked about inner child work, and I have even shard inner child conversations of mine. I really want to shift this belief so I’m gonna work through it.
First, of all I need to address it to my inner child and see if this is truly the core belief belief. So I will get out my paper and pen and have a conversation. I will pose the question to my inner child with my dominant hand and then wait for the answer.
Wow. Okay, that was really enlightening. I planned to do the whole conversation here but it didn’t feel natural so I stepped away, pulled out 3 large sheets of cardstock, and two colored markers, sat and my yoga mat and had the convo with my inner child. I locked my door to create a safe space and let my daughter know I’d be working so she wouldn’t interrupt. And I sat and went back and forth with my inner child.
The cool thing that came up is that my inner child wanted to be “naughty.” She said that naughty kids always got more than she did. And I can remember incidents and instances from childhood that validated her claims. I had a regularly “naughty” relative who was gifted voice lessons at the community college. They bought them for her because they thought she needed a creative outlet. They saw she liked to sing so they thought it would help her behave and redirect the energy. I actually deserved to go, but I didn’t get to, because I wasn’t “bad.”
Things like this often come up with inner child work. Things we don’t really think about as adults. But these little messages shape us in ways we don’t even see.
As the convo went on, I redirected her back to the original question about money. I asked, “What does it mean for a good girl to have money?” I thought that question would get us back on track, and it worked. Her (my inner child’s) response was, “That she doesn’t really care about the people.” And I responded, “She’s just doing it for the money?”
At this point, the conversation was clearer for me so I was able to put the paper to the side and hear the responses clearly in my mind. This is when I felt it was a good opportunity to teach, utilizing my adult knowledge, to help my inner child understand the flaws in her thinking. I asked questions that led her to her own conclusions about being able to receive money for doing nontraditional work. In this convo, one of the phrases I heard so many times throughout my childhood came up. To paraphrase, “if you don’t sweat, you don’t eat.” To this I questioned my inner child to think of jobs where people don’t have to sweat, but it’s a real job. After maybe twenty minutes of back and forth of loving communication, my inner child wrote the words, “Nice girls are nice to be nice and they get to be paid.”
I asked a few other questions to ensure that the message stuck and that a shift actually took place. And the answers aligned with the shift.
Sometimes, the beliefs we desire to change are deeper than we think. Sometimes we have to go back to the one who created them, or who is actually holding them and help that little one understand what we now understand as adults. We can’t just shift on one level. Sometimes we have to go deeper.
Thank you for going deeper with me. If you’d love to learn how to go deeper, a great first step would be to check out this book that helped me learn about inner child work. It’s called, “Recovery of Your Inner Child” by Lucia Capacchione.
Before I read it, I thought inner child work was complete nonsense. Now, I know better, and have used inner child work to develop a better, more loving relationship with myself, and to heal beliefs and past trauma. I have also taught others to use it and it’s helped them on their self-love journeys. I hope that this is helpful for you. I do highly recommend the book, if you are new to inner child work.
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
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Day 3 “When Asking Is Hard” #IMAYBE Share & Let’s Live! #Podcast Series w/ Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
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