Those aren’t decorations. When you see a red flag, don’t ignore it. Trust your gut.
When I look back on my past hurts and embarrassing moments (relationally), I see MANY moments where I saw, or felt, something was off but I ignored obvious signs. After the fact, the indicators are numerous, but the part that hurts is that I saw them and chose to overlook them.
I don’t like repeating the same mistakes. I prefer to learn. One lesson that I am finally accepting is that I get to trust my instincts. I have greater discernment that I’ve previously acknowledged. As I review past decisions, I can see so many times that I felt something was off, or an incident occurred that made me uneasy, or I saw something that didn’t sit well with me. Because I wanted to believe in whatever dream I was being sold at the time, I overlooked what I saw, accepted whatever excuse I was given, and stored that red flag in the back of my mind.
It’s challenging accepting when we’ve been fooled. What makes it harder is when the multitude of red flags we stored in that storage closet at the back of our minds. We see the many moments that our inner guidance warned us and we ignore it. We realize that the hurt we’re experiencing is in part due to our own negligence.
Lately, I’ve been really thinking about how I can better honor myself in future relationships. It is so common for me to notice a “red flag,” feel guilty for being “too picky,” and then allow that red flag to slip on by. However, now, as I look back on the many moments that I saw and felt things were not lining up, I realize how many times I knew before the devastation that I was not aligned… and I ignore it.
I’m writing this today to encourage you to pay attention to what you observe. It’s not about nitpicking and expecting perfection. It’s about having a standard, recognizing our priorities and deal breakers, and separating the truth from the bullsh*t.
Do the words line up with actions? Does this feel aligned or make me feel uneasy? Am I honoring my core values, ethics, and beliefs?
Sometimes we don’t want to make waves by speaking our truths. We don’t want to experience conflict by acknowledging the red flags we observe. But by doing so we don’t honor our truth. Then, when things fall apart later, we have guilt and regret.
I’m over wishing I had paid attention to red flags. I am over playing mind games with myself—pretending to not see what I’ve clearly observed. And most of all, I’m done being manipulated by others to see things they way the want me to see them, as if I don’t have discernment.
I intend to go through the rest of my life with my eyes open. I want to live my life, and engage with others, with awareness. I plan to take my time to observe and act accordingly. I will see pressure to rush my process as a red flag.
Of course, we get to have some preferences that we are flexible on, but when it comes down to our core values, priorities, and deal breakers, we need to pay attention when we begin to drift from what really matters to us.
We get to be more intentional with our vetting. We get to stop being “nice” to avoid conflict, and stand guard to our hearts. We get to stop overlooking what we observe and be honest with ourselves when we see red flags.
Blessings!
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